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 Cheshire Domestic Abuse Family Safety Units  01606 351375

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This page answers the questions and challenges the myths that frequently prevent domestic violence being tackled properly.

Question

I’ve never been hit but I feel like my life’s not my own – my partner rules the house and threatens that if I ever leave he will follow me. Is this domestic violence?

Answer 

Yes. Domestic violence is about power and control and some people use physical abuse while others use emotional, financial or sexual control. Often domestic violence gets worse over time and all forms of abuse are involved. You do not deserve to be abused. There are many agencies in Cheshire to help you.

Question

I am pretty certain that a friend/neighbour/colleague of mine is being abused. Should I say something or will that make the situation worse?

Answer 

Domestic violence can make those who suffer feel very alone, helpless and sometimes ashamed. It can be hard for them to make the first move in telling someone about what’s happening to them. Yet we know that if the door is opened just a little they are often relieved to share their hurt with someone they trust.
You can try asking open questions such as:

• Are things alright at home?
• You seem very troubled recently. Would it help to talk?
• You could also offer information about local services

If the person does not disclose ensure that s/he knows that you are available in the future and that you are aware that domestic violence is common and never acceptable.

Question

I hear dreadful rows next door late at night and have often wondered about phoning the police. Should I?

Answer

We all share a responsibility to prevent crime and if you are concerned that someone is being harmed Phone the Police. You may save someone from injury or worse. Best practice is always to empower those who experience domestic abuse to take action themselves to end it and so if you have the opportunity at other times to offer information about services to the person being abused do so.
*always remember that it is Not Safe to raise the issue of domestic violence when both parties are present. Abusers may take it out on their partners later.

Question

Why are specialist support services targeted at women?
Don’t men suffer just as much?

Answer

Domestic violence can impact both men and women and CDAP aims to encourage disclosure and to offer services for both. However research show us that the majority of victims are women and that women are more likely to suffer repeated and serious injury. Support services for women grew up in the voluntary sector as a result of their own initiative. Now that more statutory partners recognise and respond to domestic violence we believe this provision, together with regional male helplines, meets the current volume of male victims. As evidence of need and priorities permit we will continue to keep the issue of specialist services for male victims on CDAP’s agenda.

Question

Isn’t there anything we can do to change the behaviour of abusers? Otherwise we may help one partner to escape but just move the abuser on.

Answer

Many abused people would prefer this option – they want the violence to stop, but the relationship to continue. Some abusers also recognise the harm they are doing and want help to change patterns of behaviour. There are some limited services available for these situations:

• Cheshire Probation Service run a perpetrator programme, aimed at those men who receive a court sentence for a domestic violence related offence. They offer 2 voluntary places on each programme for those they consider likely to benefit from this intervention.
• Relate offer counselling for either or both partners in situations of domestic violence, following an assessment on the impact of such a service on victim safety and perpetrator accountability.
• Work in Cheshire schools focuses on preventing domestic violence in future generations by fostering relationships of self and mutual respect.
  CDAP has been exploring the issue of a voluntary perpetrator programme and may be in a position to develop this initiative once resources for already identified priorities are secured.